if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have started to decorate penises.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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