Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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