Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
