Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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