Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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