Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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