i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
