I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
