All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
