I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How does one acquire holy water?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
