Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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