Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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