at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
As shirtless as possible
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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