turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want her autograph on my taint
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
