i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
