yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
