How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
