She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
