Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
