Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
