i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
