3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
