even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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