fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize