the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
