So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
