Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
