we have pet lesbian snakes
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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