I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize