So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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