Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
high people should be assigned attendants
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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