I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
