That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
