It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
