i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
