at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
