You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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