I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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