Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
