She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
