The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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