If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
