is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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