On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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