And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
send nudes
from the living room?
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