sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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