I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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this boner is exhausting
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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