for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
