Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We left the knife in your bed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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