they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
