im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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