I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
