i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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