Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
