Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
