Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
