I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
