you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
