So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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