it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I could make wine with my vomit
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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