I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
