My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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