Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just cropdusted the office
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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