Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
