i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
