I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
