the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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