He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
