today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
